


Almost

by Mo_S



Category: One Direction
Genre: M/M, please don't read if it will trigger you, suicide warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-16 19:22:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5837863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mo_S/pseuds/Mo_S
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternately titled Letters to Lou<br/>Basically a little spin off of 99 Days Without You. From Harry's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost

**Author's Note:**

> Idk man I was just really sad when I wrote this.

 

 

 

It's been a year  
One long ass year since the last time I saw his beautiful blue eyes. My heart has been ripped open and stitched back together so many times I can't breathe right any more. There's only one thought on my mind; Him. His laugh, his hair, his smell, his touch...

 

 

May 27 2013

Dear Lou, 

You left me. You selfish bastard.

 

 

 

May 27 2014

Dear Lou,

I still visit you ya know. Even if you can't hear me from six feet under I still sing to you. Even if the pounds of dirt muffle my cries and sobs of guilt.   
"I should have known"  
"I could have helped"  
"It's all my fault"  
"All my fault"  
You're gone. And there's nothing I can do.

 

 

June 12 2014

Dear Lou,

People on the street look at me more than usual which is a surprise considering I'm a fucking 'pop star'. They don't swarm anymore, they stay far away, like I have some contagious disease.  It's not the same without you. I can't seem to make myself laugh anymore. Not even Niall can make me crack a smile. I can't take the pain of not hearing your giggles mix with mine as we let the joy of happiness escape our body in loud bursts of noise. I miss you. So much.

 

 

July 9 2014

Dear Lou,

I remember the day you first said you loved me. I was so happy I almost cried in front of you.

Almost.

 

 

August 3 2014

Dear Lou,

What does your voice sound like again? I can't seem to recall the strain in your voice when you're about to cry, the excitement and heart you put into your music, or the breathy way you'd say "I love you" lying next to me at night when you thought I was asleep, like it'd be the last time you'd say it. Oops.

 

 

October 1 2014

Dear Lou,

I broke a promise today. I had just visited you, sang a new song I wrote but couldn't finish because I started crying. Then I went home and had a sudden urge. I hadn't done it since I met you, but now that you're not here to keep me sane, help me keep those monsters away...I made a mess.

 

 

October 12 2014

Dear Lou, 

I saw you today! I guess I got carried away with my new best friend with pretty silver skin. Someone came in and found me, I can't remember who, no one else is important anymore. That's bad. Anyway when I saw you, you looked really mad but I just thought that was because I've been taking too long. I was so happy to see you I almost cried.

Almost.

But then you went away and I woke up in a hospital room, my mother crying in the corner. I wish she'd stop crying.

 

 

October 29 2014

Dear Lou, 

I came home today. The bathroom is still a mess and I'm not allowed to be alone. This fucking sucks.

 

 

November 13 2014

Dear Lou,

They told me I can't visit you anymore. Apparently trying to touch you again is a 'crime'. I didn't know it was so hard to dig that deep.

 

 

November 28 2014

Dear Lou, 

I have a new home. It's very ugly. The walls are white and they won't let me paint them or put pictures of us up. People have to watch me while I write and sleep and even shit. I'm gonna go crazy.

 

 

December 10 2014

Dear Lou, 

I saw you today!! The nurses aren't smart enough to check in the mattress. A blade would be too sharp to hide so I've been saving my medicine. When I saw you, you looked sad. I couldn't understand why because we were together again! But then I was brought back into this horrible nightmare without you. I hate my new home.

 

 

December 20 2014

Dear Lou, 

They tell me I can't write letters anymore. They say it's unhealthy. Like they'd know what unhealthy is. I got an ugly jacket I have to wear sometimes when I get bad and try to hit the nurses. My mom and the boys say they're only trying to help. I beg to differ. I also got moved to a new home where the floors and walls are soft so when I purposely fall, I don't harm my self. How thoughtful.

 

 

December 24 2014

Dear Lou,

You'll never guess what today is. It's your birthday. You would've been 23.

 

 

January 11 2015

Dear Lou,

It's been two fucking years and I'm officially ready. After so many attempts to see you again I think this time I'll finally stay with you!

 

 

January 12 2015

Dear Lou, 

It didn't work.

 

 

February 1 2015

Dear Lou,

It's my birthday today. Guess what I wished for?

 

 

March 25 2015

Dear Lou, 

I've been a very good boy. The nurses say I can go home with mom today. I'm so excited to finally be free of that hell hole.

 

 

May 8 2015

Dear Lou, 

My mom let me move back into my flat today, she says I've gotten so much better. I hope she won't cry anymore.

 

 

May 10 2015

Dear Lou, 

I've always hated the color red, except for those red pants you wore at XFactor, but now I find it beautiful as it seeps out between slices of flesh and pools in the indents of my hips. Almost as gorgeous as you.

Almost.

 

 

May 20 2015

Dear Lou, 

I've planned something big for your sadiversary this year. I don't like to call it an anniversary because that sounds too happy. I hope you like the surprise.

 

 

May 24 2015

Dear Lou,

There's not gonna be a lot of people at you're party, I hope you don't mind. It's just gonna be me and my new friend. He's very loud sometimes so I apologize in advance.

 

 

May 26 2015

Dear Lou,

This is it! The day before your sadiversary. I can't believe it's been two years. Two years too long. I really like my new friend, I hope you do too, he's gonna help me see you again. I know you've never really liked guns but he's different, they say the accuracy on him is 99%. I'm so excited. I've said all my goodbyes, everyone was confused but I told them I'm moving on. It wasn't really a lie. We have so much to catch up on! I'll see you tomorrow, can't wait! I love you,

Xx. Harry

 

 

  
May 27 2015

Dear Lou, 

I'm almost home.

Almost.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey if you liked this great   
> Find my ass on tumblr http://tatt00sandp0lar0ids.tumblr.com/


End file.
